I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
