Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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