I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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