cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize