I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
