Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
