The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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