i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize