Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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