I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
