my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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