It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
