C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
