remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize