Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
