are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
