It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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