Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize