i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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