There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
one two three fourrrrnication!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
