I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
