Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
