I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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