My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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