so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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