I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
