sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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