My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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