How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
