Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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