By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
