u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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