Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
