anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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