Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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