Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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