real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
