On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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