Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
