I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
