Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Nicole vs. Life
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
