im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
