Sry I called you an 8
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
