we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
