An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
