Old men and throwing up are my life now.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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