Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
