dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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