haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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