apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
