I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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