Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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