I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
