fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
only if we run a train.
done.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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