3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
