you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
