Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
