Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
