Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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