Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
