did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
