I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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