Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize