all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
