I'm pants shitting drunk right now
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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