I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
