youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
