can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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